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26 November 2012

DEFINITELY quick, fast!

I wrote this on 23.11.12 but wasn't able to POST IT until today because of my NEXT-DOOR NEIGHBOUR

DEFINITELY quick, fast!

I’m fed up with my neighbour. I mean, it’s really shitty when you are using your neighbour's unsecured wi-fi hotspot (some call it stealing) and it just isn't RELIABLE.

It all started when I contacted one of the main internet providers in September to install the quickest and fastest etc etc internet to my ideal home. They still haven’t sorted it for me. I should take a leaf out of my sister’s book. She moved back to the old sod after decades in the good ole US of A. Obviously she had certain expectations of adjectives such as 'quick' and 'fast' in relation to the old internet. You get my drift.

Anywho, after 3 (THREE) months (MONTHS) of to-ing and fro-ing and talking to recorded messages giving millions of options except letting you talk to a human being, never mind an EFFICIENT human being, I overheard a conversation between herself and the 89th (EIGHTY-NINTH) employee of the company (yeah yeah contradiction. Alright, I know you’re on to me).

Anywho, it was a good show. “Hello, yes, [explains whole story for umpteenth time]. Oh, no, hold on. Are you going to put me on hold? Because I don’t want you to. I want you to listen to me. What’s your name again? Kevin? Right Kevin. I contacted your (other main internet provider) company 3 (that’s THREE) months (MONTHS) ago. I was sent a router. I ticked all the right boxes. Kevin, I’m internet/tech savvy. I could be wrong, but I’m quite convinced that I have covered all (ALL) the options”. “Well, hold on xxx (sister’s name). I’m going to put you through to”. “Sorry Kevin, are you going to put me through to another deparment, please don’t do that. I’ve explained every detail of this, thoroughly, to multiple employees of your company. I’m thinking right now that the only solution is to pack it all in and GO BACK TO AMERICA. Maybe they’ll sort me out over there. No, they WILL sort me out over there. (Yeah, cause they know what SERVICE is over there – comment from Aisling). Kevin, this isn’t working. Could I talk to your manager please? Oh, will Kevin? Well that’s wonderful. But I won’t hold my breath. Sorry Kevin, I don’t mean to be sarcastic. It’s not personal Kevin, but I can’t take telling all these details to another person. Do you understand me Kevin?” “xxx (skin and blister’s name) I will sort it out for you. I will have a definite answer for you tomorrow morning”. “ A DEFINITE answer Kevin, what does that mean?” “Well xxx, I’m going to talk to my manager and I will find out for definite, for sure like, where the problem lies”. “So can I expect a telephone call from you tomorrow morning Kevin? You’ll phone me and tell me exactly what the problem is AND you will rectify it Kevin? Is that what you’re telling me Kevin?”. “That’s what I’m telling you xxx. It is.” “Well, Kevin, could I you ask one more thing? Could you call me between 9 and 11am? Because I have responsabilities and important things to do.” “Yes, xxx. You can expect a call from me tomorrow between 9 and 11 am”.

That’s not too much to expect is it?

She got more than she bargained for.

Next morning 9:30 am. Dring, dring. Hello, is this xxx. Well, I’m xxx, the MANAGING DIRECTOR OF SALES at xxx. My colleague Kevin talked to me yesterday evening. He explained everything to me. Yes, xxx, EVERYTHING. We have identified the problem. If you could just turn on your computer and check to see if the internet is running xxx”. “I think I can do that Mr. Managing Director. I’m just turning it on. I’m just waiting for it to come around on the guitar, sorry, I got distracted there, I’m just waiting for it to turn on. Yes, I’ve just pressed the ‘connect’ button. Yes, it’s working. It’s DEFINITELY working. Pardon, is it fast did you say? Oh Mr. Managing Director, don't start me now”.

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