Lean mé/Follow by Email

Cuardaigh focal G-B/Search words Irish-Eng

26 November 2012

DEFINITELY quick, fast!

I wrote this on 23.11.12 but wasn't able to POST IT until today because of my NEXT-DOOR NEIGHBOUR

DEFINITELY quick, fast!

I’m fed up with my neighbour. I mean, it’s really shitty when you are using your neighbour's unsecured wi-fi hotspot (some call it stealing) and it just isn't RELIABLE.

It all started when I contacted one of the main internet providers in September to install the quickest and fastest etc etc internet to my ideal home. They still haven’t sorted it for me. I should take a leaf out of my sister’s book. She moved back to the old sod after decades in the good ole US of A. Obviously she had certain expectations of adjectives such as 'quick' and 'fast' in relation to the old internet. You get my drift.

Anywho, after 3 (THREE) months (MONTHS) of to-ing and fro-ing and talking to recorded messages giving millions of options except letting you talk to a human being, never mind an EFFICIENT human being, I overheard a conversation between herself and the 89th (EIGHTY-NINTH) employee of the company (yeah yeah contradiction. Alright, I know you’re on to me).

Anywho, it was a good show. “Hello, yes, [explains whole story for umpteenth time]. Oh, no, hold on. Are you going to put me on hold? Because I don’t want you to. I want you to listen to me. What’s your name again? Kevin? Right Kevin. I contacted your (other main internet provider) company 3 (that’s THREE) months (MONTHS) ago. I was sent a router. I ticked all the right boxes. Kevin, I’m internet/tech savvy. I could be wrong, but I’m quite convinced that I have covered all (ALL) the options”. “Well, hold on xxx (sister’s name). I’m going to put you through to”. “Sorry Kevin, are you going to put me through to another deparment, please don’t do that. I’ve explained every detail of this, thoroughly, to multiple employees of your company. I’m thinking right now that the only solution is to pack it all in and GO BACK TO AMERICA. Maybe they’ll sort me out over there. No, they WILL sort me out over there. (Yeah, cause they know what SERVICE is over there – comment from Aisling). Kevin, this isn’t working. Could I talk to your manager please? Oh, will Kevin? Well that’s wonderful. But I won’t hold my breath. Sorry Kevin, I don’t mean to be sarcastic. It’s not personal Kevin, but I can’t take telling all these details to another person. Do you understand me Kevin?” “xxx (skin and blister’s name) I will sort it out for you. I will have a definite answer for you tomorrow morning”. “ A DEFINITE answer Kevin, what does that mean?” “Well xxx, I’m going to talk to my manager and I will find out for definite, for sure like, where the problem lies”. “So can I expect a telephone call from you tomorrow morning Kevin? You’ll phone me and tell me exactly what the problem is AND you will rectify it Kevin? Is that what you’re telling me Kevin?”. “That’s what I’m telling you xxx. It is.” “Well, Kevin, could I you ask one more thing? Could you call me between 9 and 11am? Because I have responsabilities and important things to do.” “Yes, xxx. You can expect a call from me tomorrow between 9 and 11 am”.

That’s not too much to expect is it?

She got more than she bargained for.

Next morning 9:30 am. Dring, dring. Hello, is this xxx. Well, I’m xxx, the MANAGING DIRECTOR OF SALES at xxx. My colleague Kevin talked to me yesterday evening. He explained everything to me. Yes, xxx, EVERYTHING. We have identified the problem. If you could just turn on your computer and check to see if the internet is running xxx”. “I think I can do that Mr. Managing Director. I’m just turning it on. I’m just waiting for it to come around on the guitar, sorry, I got distracted there, I’m just waiting for it to turn on. Yes, I’ve just pressed the ‘connect’ button. Yes, it’s working. It’s DEFINITELY working. Pardon, is it fast did you say? Oh Mr. Managing Director, don't start me now”.

12 November 2012

RSVP nó LFF? Nó/Or "More German than the Germans" Nó/Or "Tips on how to keep your blood pressure down anyone?"

Aisling needs a great big fat M.Fing S.O.B RANT

Thart ar thrí mhí ó shin chuir mé aithne fhíorúil ar scríobhneoir amhrán/amhránaí. Bhí sé ar chamcuairt i Sasana agus i nÉireann le poiblíocht a dhéanamh dá dhlúthdhiosca nua. Chuir sé ceist an mbeadh suim ag éinne “Ceolchoirm Tigh” a eagrú ar a shon. Chuir mé rphost chuige láithreach ag rá go raibh mé ar bord, agus fáilte.

Tar éis dhá mhí de bheith ag scríobh rphostanna idir seo agus Shasana, agus thart ar mo chondae féin, d’éirigh liom trí cheolchoirm a eagrú. Ní raibh sé éasca, ach rinne mé go fonnmhar é, mar spraoí, dom féin.

Bíodh fhios agat gur seo an chéad uair ‘riamh dom Ceolchoirm Tigh a eagrú, cé gur rith sé liom leath uair a chloig ó shin gur sheinn mé féin ag Ceolchoirm Tigh i Méiriceá nuair a bhí mé naoi mbliana d’aois. Ach mar a deir Aisling Ní Acamé go minic, beidh insint ar an scéal sin lá eile!

Aon nós, agus gan ach coicís fágtha roimh na gceolchoirmeacha, chuir mé 30 (tríocha) cuireadh chuig cairde liom, tré théacsanna gutháin agus/nó tré rphostanna – chuig daoine a bhfuil suim acu sa cheol, sa chultúr, sa teanga, san ól, sa bhia, sa chraic. Ina measc cuid *mhaith* daoine atá ag obair ins na healíona, ag teagasc faoi na healaíona, ag saothrú airgid tré a bheith ag “léachtóireacht” faoi a bheith ag obair ins na healaíona, ag saothrú airgid tré a bheith ag moladh de dhaoine dul ag obair i réimse na n-ealaíon, ag obair mar cheoltóirí, ag obair mar chumadóiri amhrán goddammit, ag *obair*. An dtuigeann tú?

Tá FREAGRA AMHÁIN faighte agam agus trí lá fágtha.

Céard sa diabhail atá CEARR le daoine???? Tá lagtrá eacnámaíochta ar siúl faoi láthair. Tá duine ag tabhairt ceoltóir ar aon chaighdéan le John Spillanne nó le Ger Wolfe s’againne chuig béal dhoras dhaoine. Níl aon taille isteach ach cuirfear hata thart ar an oíche. Amhlas dá mbeadhfeá ag siúl síos Sráid Ghrafton agus gur chuala tú ceoltóirí sráide – seans go dtabharfeá cúpla pingin dóibh nó nach dtabharfeá – ag brath go hiomlán ar an taitneamh a bhain tú as an rud, agus ar an méid a raibh sé de achmhainn agat a thabhairt mar shíntiús deonach.

Beidh smailc ar fáil ar an oíche ionas nach bhfuil daoine stiúcaithe leis an ocras. Mise a bhéas a dhéanamh. Go deonach. Go fonnmhar. Cé nar mhiste liom ag an nóimeid seo agus mé ar mire glán agus an brú fola ag ardú de réir na bfhocal, cé acu a mbeadh na sean bhithiúnaithe stiúcaithe leis an ocras nó nach mbeadh. An 29r eile sin nár bhac a dtónntaí ríoga le FREAGRA A CHUIR AR MO CHUIREADH atá i gceist agam. Ní thusa a JB.

Nó an é nar thuig siad an “RSVP” a chuir mé ag bun mo theachtaireachta? An chéad uair friggen eile is RSVFP a bhéas mé ag scríobh. Innit?

Binn béal ina thost mo friggin thóin!

Is breá liom na Gearmánaí. Cuireann tú ceist orthu as FREAGRAÍONN SIAD THÚ. An bhfuil sé ró-Ghearmánach agam a bheith ag súil nó ag dúil le FREAGRA??? Nó an é go bhfuil mé níos Gearmánaigh ná na Gearmánaí go díreach?

Aon nós, is BREÁ liom FREAGRA a fháil nuair a chuirim ceist. – Yes, no, maybe, f*** off! – Is CUMA liom cén fhreagra, ach FREAGRA!!! Ceapaim go bhfuil sé dí-bhéasach ag duine neamhaird a dhéanamh ar rud. Go háirithe ar rud chomh neamh-choitianta le seo. Ok, cuireadh chuig cóisir lá breithe – “been-there-done-that-beidh-na-céadta-duine-eile-ag-dul-agus-ní-aithneóidh-siad-fiú-amháin-muna-bhfreagráim”. Ach rud chomh neamh-choitianta le cumadóir amhrán proiféisiúnta ag teacht le ceolchoirm phríomhaideach a dhéanamh i dteach thíos a bothair uait!

Nuair atá an ceoltóir céanna chomh cliúteach (sa taobh seo den domhan) agus atá John Spillane nó Ger Wolfe, nó David Gray, is na gaigíní sráide beaga súracha céanna sin a bhéas ag cur freagra orm. Ach seans NACH IAD!!! Mar tá an-seans ann nach mbeidh mé ag cur cuiridh ar na puichíní beaga nimheanta!!!

Agus NÁ labhair liom faoin friggin reifreann sin nó caithfidh mé cloch leat!

Rant off. Today is the 12.11.12. I LOVE PALINDROMES!!!

Fáiltíonn Aisling Ní Acamé roimh cheartúchainn ar bhotúin litrithe nó ghramadaí nach bhfaca mé, SÍ. Agus roimh mholltaí leis an brú fola a choinneáil taobh istigh de theorainn shláintiúil. Laissez faire b’hféidir. Nó LLF – laissez f******* faire.

10 November 2012

Well-Travelled Pumpkin Competition Anyone?

Did you see the date? 10.11.12 I love it!

Aisling, Aisling, Aisling. Tá tú ag ligint na maidí le sruth go fóill! Lots of sticks to be found at the bottom of this stream! Letting the sticks flow with the current, or going to the dogs, or... something like that

When Aisling comes back from her holidays (WHENEVER!) she has a wee mixed bag for you about elocution lessons, politicians, and elocution lessons for politicians.
When did I write that? 30 May 2011. Never a Tweet-to-woo cum dignitate!

At least I didn’t ask someone else to pay for my holidays (not like the employee who sent sick certs to his employer while on holiday, the employer paying €1400 in sick-leave costs to cover his holiday AT A WEDDING!!!).

The elocution post is still brewing. Oh yes. Bear with me. The pumpkin pie too. Metaphorically. Brewing that is. (I have all the ingredients. I promise. Last week they travelled 500km with me. To the very north of the country and back again. No joke. Only the cooked pumpkin never ended up in a pie, but in various side dishes). Probably most widely-travelled (cooked) pumpkin in the world?? Second time lucky? Why do I have a funny wee feeling you're not holding your breath?

Thanks coca-nico.tumblr.com for the photo!