Aisling needs a great big fat M.Fing S.O.B RANT (in English)

Aisling needs a great big fat M.Fing S.O.B RANT

This post originally flew out of me in Irish on 12.11.12 (see below). The singer/songwriter mentioned is coming back for another bunch of gigs, so I thought I’d translate this for my non-Irish-speaking/reading readers - just in case I send them an invite.

RSVP or LFF? Or More German than the Germans Or Tips on how to keep your blood pressure down anyone? (Take your pick)

About three months ago I virtually met a singer/songwriter. He was on tour in Ireland and the UK to promote his new cd. He was asking if anyone would be interested in organising a “House Concert” for him. I sent a message to him immediately saying I was on board, welcome very much.

After two months of messaging to and from the UK and all around my own county, I managed to secure three concerts. It wasn’t easy, but I did it. With pleasure, for fun, for myself.

When I tell you this is the first time I ever organised a house concert, believe me. Although it just ran through my mind a half an hour ago, that I played at a house concert myself in the USA when I was nine years old. But as Aisling often says, that’s one for another day!

Anywho, with only a fortnight to go before the first concert, I sent 30 (thirty) invitations to friends of mine, by text message and/or by email – to people who I know to be interested in music, in culture, in language, in drink, in food, in craic. In their midst a *good* few people who are working in the Arts, teaching about the Arts, earning money through “lecturing” about working in the Arts, earning money by advising people to go working in the Arts. And to people who are working as musicians, as singer/songwriters goddammit, *working*. Do you get my drift?

I have received ONE ANSWER and there are three days left.

What the devil is WRONG with people??? We are in the middle of an economic downturn. Someone is bringing a musician of the calibre of our own John Spillane, or Ger Wolfe, to people’s back door. There will be no entrance fee, but we will be passing the hat. Just as if you were walking down Grafton Street and you heard a busker – maybe you’d throw in a few bob, or maybe you wouldn’t – depending on whether or not you enjoyed it, and also on how much, and whether or not you could afford to donate.

There will be a snack provided on the night, so that people don’t starve. I’ll be making it. Voluntarily. With pleasure. Although I wouldn’t mind at this very moment, and me mad as hell and the blood pressure rising by the word, whether or not the old buggers should starve or not. The other 29 people who didn’t bother their royal arses to even ANSWER MY INVITATION, I mean. Not you JB.

Is it maybe that they didn’t understand the “RSVP” bit I wrote at the bottom of my invitation? The next friggin time it’ll be RSVFnP. Innit?

Silence is golden me friggin arse!

I love Germans. You ask them a question and they ANSWER YOU. Is it too German of me to expect or to desire an ANSWER??? Maybe I’m just more German than the Germans.

Anyway like, I LOVE getting an ANSWER when I ask a question. – Yes, no, maybe, f*** off! – I don’t care WHAT answer, but an ANSWER!!! I believe it’s rude to ignore something. Especially something as unusual as this. Ok, a birthday party invite – “been-there-done-that-there’ll-be-hundreds-of-people-going-and-they-won’t-even-notice-if-I-don’t-reply”. But something as unusual as a professional singer/songwriter coming to do a private concert in a house around the corner from you!

When this very same musician is as famous (in this side of the world) as are John Spillane and Ger Wolfe, or David Gray, it’ll be those very same wicked wee wiry waifs who’ll be answering my invites. But maybe THEY WON’T. Because I may very well not be sending invites to the slimey little rotters!!!

And don’t TALK to me about that referendum (obviously outdated reference. ANA) or I’ll throw a stone at you!

Rant off. The day I wrote the original article was 12.11.12. I LOVED PALINDROMES then, and I love them still.

Aisling Ní Acamé welcomes corrections of grammatical or typo errors which I, SHE, didn’t see. She also welcomes suggestions to help keep the blood pressure within conservatively healthy levels. Laissez faire maybe? Or LFF – laissez f****** faire.

DEFINITELY quick, fast!

I wrote this on 23.11.12 but wasn't able to POST IT until today because of my NEXT-DOOR NEIGHBOUR

DEFINITELY quick, fast!

I’m fed up with my neighbour. I mean, it’s really shitty when you are using your neighbour's unsecured wi-fi hotspot (some call it stealing) and it just isn't RELIABLE.

It all started when I contacted one of the main internet providers in September to install the quickest and fastest etc etc internet to my ideal home. They still haven’t sorted it for me. I should take a leaf out of my sister’s book. She moved back to the old sod after decades in the good ole US of A. Obviously she had certain expectations of adjectives such as 'quick' and 'fast' in relation to the old internet. You get my drift.

Anywho, after 3 (THREE) months (MONTHS) of to-ing and fro-ing and talking to recorded messages giving millions of options except letting you talk to a human being, never mind an EFFICIENT human being, I overheard a conversation between herself and the 89th (EIGHTY-NINTH) employee of the company (yeah yeah contradiction. Alright, I know you’re on to me).

Anywho, it was a good show. “Hello, yes, [explains whole story for umpteenth time]. Oh, no, hold on. Are you going to put me on hold? Because I don’t want you to. I want you to listen to me. What’s your name again? Kevin? Right Kevin. I contacted your (other main internet provider) company 3 (that’s THREE) months (MONTHS) ago. I was sent a router. I ticked all the right boxes. Kevin, I’m internet/tech savvy. I could be wrong, but I’m quite convinced that I have covered all (ALL) the options”. “Well, hold on xxx (sister’s name). I’m going to put you through to”. “Sorry Kevin, are you going to put me through to another deparment, please don’t do that. I’ve explained every detail of this, thoroughly, to multiple employees of your company. I’m thinking right now that the only solution is to pack it all in and GO BACK TO AMERICA. Maybe they’ll sort me out over there. No, they WILL sort me out over there. (Yeah, cause they know what SERVICE is over there – comment from Aisling). Kevin, this isn’t working. Could I talk to your manager please? Oh, will Kevin? Well that’s wonderful. But I won’t hold my breath. Sorry Kevin, I don’t mean to be sarcastic. It’s not personal Kevin, but I can’t take telling all these details to another person. Do you understand me Kevin?” “xxx (skin and blister’s name) I will sort it out for you. I will have a definite answer for you tomorrow morning”. “ A DEFINITE answer Kevin, what does that mean?” “Well xxx, I’m going to talk to my manager and I will find out for definite, for sure like, where the problem lies”. “So can I expect a telephone call from you tomorrow morning Kevin? You’ll phone me and tell me exactly what the problem is AND you will rectify it Kevin? Is that what you’re telling me Kevin?”. “That’s what I’m telling you xxx. It is.” “Well, Kevin, could I you ask one more thing? Could you call me between 9 and 11am? Because I have responsabilities and important things to do.” “Yes, xxx. You can expect a call from me tomorrow between 9 and 11 am”.

That’s not too much to expect is it?

She got more than she bargained for.

Next morning 9:30 am. Dring, dring. Hello, is this xxx. Well, I’m xxx, the MANAGING DIRECTOR OF SALES at xxx. My colleague Kevin talked to me yesterday evening. He explained everything to me. Yes, xxx, EVERYTHING. We have identified the problem. If you could just turn on your computer and check to see if the internet is running xxx”. “I think I can do that Mr. Managing Director. I’m just turning it on. I’m just waiting for it to come around on the guitar, sorry, I got distracted there, I’m just waiting for it to turn on. Yes, I’ve just pressed the ‘connect’ button. Yes, it’s working. It’s DEFINITELY working. Pardon, is it fast did you say? Oh Mr. Managing Director, don't start me now”.

RSVP nó LFF? Nó/Or "More German than the Germans" Nó/Or "Tips on how to keep your blood pressure down anyone?"

Aisling needs a great big fat M.Fing S.O.B RANT

Thart ar thrí mhí ó shin chuir mé aithne fhíorúil ar scríobhneoir amhrán/amhránaí. Bhí sé ar chamcuairt i Sasana agus i nÉireann le poiblíocht a dhéanamh dá dhlúthdhiosca nua. Chuir sé ceist an mbeadh suim ag éinne “Ceolchoirm Tigh” a eagrú ar a shon. Chuir mé rphost chuige láithreach ag rá go raibh mé ar bord, agus fáilte.

Tar éis dhá mhí de bheith ag scríobh rphostanna idir seo agus Shasana, agus thart ar mo chondae féin, d’éirigh liom trí cheolchoirm a eagrú. Ní raibh sé éasca, ach rinne mé go fonnmhar é, mar spraoí, dom féin.

Bíodh fhios agat gur seo an chéad uair ‘riamh dom Ceolchoirm Tigh a eagrú, cé gur rith sé liom leath uair a chloig ó shin gur sheinn mé féin ag Ceolchoirm Tigh i Méiriceá nuair a bhí mé naoi mbliana d’aois. Ach mar a deir Aisling Ní Acamé go minic, beidh insint ar an scéal sin lá eile!

Aon nós, agus gan ach coicís fágtha roimh na gceolchoirmeacha, chuir mé 30 (tríocha) cuireadh chuig cairde liom, tré théacsanna gutháin agus/nó tré rphostanna – chuig daoine a bhfuil suim acu sa cheol, sa chultúr, sa teanga, san ól, sa bhia, sa chraic. Ina measc cuid *mhaith* daoine atá ag obair ins na healíona, ag teagasc faoi na healaíona, ag saothrú airgid tré a bheith ag “léachtóireacht” faoi a bheith ag obair ins na healaíona, ag saothrú airgid tré a bheith ag moladh de dhaoine dul ag obair i réimse na n-ealaíon, ag obair mar cheoltóirí, ag obair mar chumadóiri amhrán goddammit, ag *obair*. An dtuigeann tú?

Tá FREAGRA AMHÁIN faighte agam agus trí lá fágtha.

Céard sa diabhail atá CEARR le daoine???? Tá lagtrá eacnámaíochta ar siúl faoi láthair. Tá duine ag tabhairt ceoltóir ar aon chaighdéan le John Spillanne nó le Ger Wolfe s’againne chuig béal dhoras dhaoine. Níl aon taille isteach ach cuirfear hata thart ar an oíche. Amhlas dá mbeadhfeá ag siúl síos Sráid Ghrafton agus gur chuala tú ceoltóirí sráide – seans go dtabharfeá cúpla pingin dóibh nó nach dtabharfeá – ag brath go hiomlán ar an taitneamh a bhain tú as an rud, agus ar an méid a raibh sé de achmhainn agat a thabhairt mar shíntiús deonach.

Beidh smailc ar fáil ar an oíche ionas nach bhfuil daoine stiúcaithe leis an ocras. Mise a bhéas a dhéanamh. Go deonach. Go fonnmhar. Cé nar mhiste liom ag an nóimeid seo agus mé ar mire glán agus an brú fola ag ardú de réir na bfhocal, cé acu a mbeadh na sean bhithiúnaithe stiúcaithe leis an ocras nó nach mbeadh. An 29r eile sin nár bhac a dtónntaí ríoga le FREAGRA A CHUIR AR MO CHUIREADH atá i gceist agam. Ní thusa a JB.

Nó an é nar thuig siad an “RSVP” a chuir mé ag bun mo theachtaireachta? An chéad uair friggen eile is RSVFP a bhéas mé ag scríobh. Innit?

Binn béal ina thost mo friggin thóin!

Is breá liom na Gearmánaí. Cuireann tú ceist orthu as FREAGRAÍONN SIAD THÚ. An bhfuil sé ró-Ghearmánach agam a bheith ag súil nó ag dúil le FREAGRA??? Nó an é go bhfuil mé níos Gearmánaigh ná na Gearmánaí go díreach?

Aon nós, is BREÁ liom FREAGRA a fháil nuair a chuirim ceist. – Yes, no, maybe, f*** off! – Is CUMA liom cén fhreagra, ach FREAGRA!!! Ceapaim go bhfuil sé dí-bhéasach ag duine neamhaird a dhéanamh ar rud. Go háirithe ar rud chomh neamh-choitianta le seo. Ok, cuireadh chuig cóisir lá breithe – “been-there-done-that-beidh-na-céadta-duine-eile-ag-dul-agus-ní-aithneóidh-siad-fiú-amháin-muna-bhfreagráim”. Ach rud chomh neamh-choitianta le cumadóir amhrán proiféisiúnta ag teacht le ceolchoirm phríomhaideach a dhéanamh i dteach thíos a bothair uait!

Nuair atá an ceoltóir céanna chomh cliúteach (sa taobh seo den domhan) agus atá John Spillane nó Ger Wolfe, nó David Gray, is na gaigíní sráide beaga súracha céanna sin a bhéas ag cur freagra orm. Ach seans NACH IAD!!! Mar tá an-seans ann nach mbeidh mé ag cur cuiridh ar na puichíní beaga nimheanta!!!

Agus NÁ labhair liom faoin friggin reifreann sin nó caithfidh mé cloch leat!

Rant off. Today is the 12.11.12. I LOVE PALINDROMES!!!

Fáiltíonn Aisling Ní Acamé roimh cheartúchainn ar bhotúin litrithe nó ghramadaí nach bhfaca mé, SÍ. Agus roimh mholltaí leis an brú fola a choinneáil taobh istigh de theorainn shláintiúil. Laissez faire b’hféidir. Nó LLF – laissez f******* faire.

Well-Travelled Pumpkin Competition Anyone?

Did you see the date? 10.11.12 I love it!

Aisling, Aisling, Aisling. Tá tú ag ligint na maidí le sruth go fóill! Lots of sticks to be found at the bottom of this stream! Letting the sticks flow with the current, or going to the dogs, or... something like that

When Aisling comes back from her holidays (WHENEVER!) she has a wee mixed bag for you about elocution lessons, politicians, and elocution lessons for politicians.

When did I write that? 30 May 2011. Never a Tweet-to-woo cum dignitate!

At least I didn’t ask someone else to pay for my holidays (not like the employee who sent sick certs to his employer while on holiday, the employer paying €1400 in sick-leave costs to cover his holiday AT A WEDDING!!!).

The elocution post is still brewing. Oh yes. Bear with me. The pumpkin pie too. Metaphorically. Brewing that is. (I have all the ingredients. I promise. Last week they travelled 500km with me. To the very north of the country and back again. No joke. Only the cooked pumpkin never ended up in a pie, but in various side dishes). Probably most widely-travelled (cooked) pumpkin in the world?? Second time lucky? Why do I have a funny wee feeling you're not holding your breath?

Thanks coca-nico.tumblr.com for the photo!

The Pudding

What was that I said in my last post, what was it, er, 10 months ago? - "the more you have to do, the more you get done, innit?" - er, the proof is in it then. Now to another type of pudding. Going to try my hand at pumpkin pie in the next few, hold on, don't want to make any promises here, days, weeks maybe. I'll keep you, oh forget it. PS After having proof-read this, I see that I've used the proverb incorrectly. Smashing. Another one to write about! Here's to some smashing pumpkin pie then!

Thanks to taste.com.au for the photo and for the great sounding recipe. Read the finger-licking ingredients!

Letting the sticks flow with the current, or going to the dogs, or... something like that

I'd like to tell all my loyal readers (i.e. you mammy and you Mo) that I am very sorry for having let things go by the wayside (or for "letting the sticks flow with the current*" as they say in the old lingo) over the past few months. Since the beginning of September to be exact.

It's not like I don't WANT to be writing, it's just that I have BETTER THINGS TO DO!

I HAVE A NEW JOB!!!!!!!!!!!!! I'm as, as as, ... Oh wait a minute while I get my new book of proverbs (by Donla Uí Bhraonáin {DCU Irish language and enterprise department, www.focal.ie etc.}) which is in 4 languages - Irish, English, Polish and Spanish. 500 proverbs! (multiplied by 4!!! Heaven!)

Oh deary me, where will I find the time, between getting up in the morning at 6am to prepare for my beautiful job, and getting home again at 5.30pm, to read it. I'll just have to leave it in the bathroom and pick up a proverb or two slowly but surely while I'm doing my stuff.

Anyways, as the famous proverb goes,or is it just a saying?, the more you have to do, the more you get done, innit?


*"ag ligint maidí le sruth" - to neglect , LIT. letting the sticks flow with the current


This English translation of the original post posted 11th of Christmas (sorry, of DECEMBER) was done today, this very special day of the year, especially for my friend Mo, 50% of my loyal readership, as requested by her very gracious self on the comment to the original posting. I swear. She DID ask for it. If you don't believe me, just go and click on the bloody comment!

While I'm here, I'd just like to tell you all (ok, still only two of you) what a chilled-out day I'm having. What a beautiful way to celebrate the day that's in it. With good friends, good food, and a good walk by the sea with good drizzle blowing into your face. Talk about free skin therapy and energy and balsam for the soul. And time in between everything to dip into my book of proverbs and even to go SURFING!

All I have to do today is...

Sure Mo. Will put that on my "todo" list." I.e. "All I have to do today is..."
(todo = "all" in Spanish.)